Day at a time, Jeff, day at a time.

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Saturday, February 3, 2001

     Regrets. The softest hair ever to encircle my fingers. An innocent smile seeking acceptance, enticing to the touch and taste. Bespectacled eyes, emerald in their brilliance, inquisitive yet unafraid. When we caressed, my chin rested perfectly, our shapes became one. She laughed when I laughed, but silence said more. We fell in love on her birthday. She was 20, I was 22. The next day she was gone.

     We met again some five years later. The spark in her eyes replaced by a hollow sadness — innocence succumbed to tired resignation. Two children had not diminished the girlish curves, a husband extracted the pure femininity. We looked deeply, stared even, longingly, with hope and care. But we knew; we knew our time had past, our passion was to be in memories and regrets. The door will not shut.

Friday, February 2, 2001

      The beginning of the end. The people of Pyra have touched many with their spirit of community. Let's hope it doesn't all go up in flames like gasoline on dirty laundry.

     Congratulations Jann.

     Happy Ground Hog Day. Put on your bright eyes and bushy tails.

Thursday, February 1, 2001

     The Inferno, Purgatorio, and Paradiso. Experience, strength, and hope.

Wednesday, January 31, 2001

     The landscaping pillage continued as the burning bush and sawgrass were brutally executed. First day on the Celexa went fine — the Zoloft didn't kick my butt until the third day, so we'll see. New bug fix release of the hierarchical menus script up in the Helpware section. Corrects display anomalies with Mac IE5, but introduces a new problem in Netscape4. Win some, lose some. Neil Young will never sell out. So that's how writing works. Might have to give it a try Jim. Thanks. Tangerine Dream. Need a new alarm clock? The longest birthday on record ;-) One would think with a week of vacation, Joe might be sippin' pina coladas in a warmer clime. Just two more days 'til Ground Hog Day. What will you be wearing? "Hello" back. Th-th-th that's all folks.

Tuesday, January 30, 2001

     Merger approval must be nearing. A quick recap for those new to this weblog, the company that has employed me since 1973 was purchased by a larger one in August 1999. Regulatory and anti-trust approvals have been bottled up in the Federal Trade Commission ever since. Back to the present, it may be close. The grounds crew was around with chain saws today cutting down all the beautiful shrubbery in front of our building, 25 years worth. Why? you may ask. Security. A great place to hide a bomb. When you layoff a cadre of life-long employees, you just never know if there is a loose cannon among them.

     Back on anti-depressants, so says my family doc. After reviewing results of the recent sleep study, his conclusion is what I expected. The new medication is Celexa (citalopram HBr). This is a night-time medicine, one that will hopefully relieve my sleep problems as well as any depression symptoms. Lynn isn't happy about it — she hates it when I'm taking anti-depressants — but I need to do something. The daytime fatigue is not getting better. So, if my thoughts in this log for the next couple weeks are even more incoherent than usual, you will know why.

Monday, January 29, 2001

     Is Internet addiction a valid criminal defense? An attorney in Florida intends to suggest just that when defending his teenage client against charges of threatening another student in a chat room. Last February I offered a tongue in cheek personal evaluation of the potential addictive properties of long-term Internet usage. This court case takes it to an entirely new level.

     The Florida episode is like eery deja vu of an historic multi-user dimensional incident that occurred within the LamdaMOO MUD back in the mid-nineties. Julian Dibbell, in his book entitled My Tiny Life, originally published in The Village Voice, described the events as A Rape in Cyberspace. Known as "The Bungle Affair", it became somewhat of a cult classic for those studying the anthropology of online behavior. No criminal charges were ever filed, but this virtual travesty uglied the face of innocence that was the fledgling Internet.

     Certainly the Florida case doesn't approach the seriousness of rape, even virtual, but it raises many moral, ethical and philosophical questions relative to our lives "in, and on the Net." I know the power of addiction first hand as a recovering alcoholic. My wife may tell you that on occasion I become just as lost on my computer when traveling the corridors of cyberspace. I don't, however, believe it to be an excuse for behavior that would be deemed inappropriate, and especially illegal, in any other forum. We are responsible for our actions.

Sunday, January 28, 2001

Bluzz of the Week      Sunday means Bluzz of the Week. Through this feature, I'm searching for the brightest, funniest, most controversial or otherwise intriguing comments from the previous week's forums, journals and blogs. Bluzz isn't the only award in the news this week. Between the Bloggies and the Anti-Bloggies, it's hard to tell if we're coming or going. If you find a true treasure you'd like to nominate for future Bluzz of the Week, even if you wrote it yourself, please let me know.

     Greg Knauss is among the finest, busiest, and funniest writers on the Internet today. You can find his work on TeeVee, Suck, InterText, and Regarding to name but a few. However, it's in his personal journal, An Entirely Other Day, where he shares a bit about himself with the rest of us. And that includes, unfortunately, pain. The day after Christmas EOD disappeared for several weeks — nothing on the site but a disheartening message about a family medical emergency. When Greg returned, here is a portion of what he told us:

     "Things fall apart. Plans, friendships, schedules, jobs, lives, loves, bodies — things fall apart. Joanne's dad moved out of the ICU today and into a rehab facility, still paralyzed from the neck down and still without a real diagnosis. He woke up one morning four weeks ago and by noon he couldn't move. The doctors have no idea why..."

     "...God or Fate or Nature or whatever you choose to call it doesn't give a crap about our tiny notions of order, our tiny needs. A healthy man is reduced to blinking out answers to yes-or-no questions, without trauma or cause? So be it. It's all entropy anyway — chaos, the helter-skelter spin of atoms, all without a sense of justice or of mercy..."

     "...So screw you, entropy. Screw you, God or Fate or Nature. I'm going to take my pathetic little stand and I'm going to fight you in every way I can. Knock things down, tear out the walls, break the rules, I don't care. I'm still going to pick up what pieces can be salvaged and rebuild. I'll cry when I need to cry and scream when I need to scream, but the rest of the time, I'm going to be jig-sawing the debris. Maybe it won't amount to anything, but I'll be damned if I'm going to be beaten by arbitrary capriciousness. Things fall apart. But that doesn't mean they can't be put back together." — Greg Knauss








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