The original nomenclature of mental deficiency should be kept in mind when used in everyday conversation. For instance, an "idiot" is classified as a feeble-minded person who performs at the potential age of 3 years; an "imbecile" displays a mental age of 3 to 7 years; a "moron" has the potential age of between 8 to 12 years; and a "dufus" has no specific limitations in mental capacity but is aware of the subtle themes in Baywatch.

Not one to be out-done, Dave is proud to tell you he's a 20 year member of "The Dirtbags." If you hang around expensive ski resorts long, you're likely to encounter this motley crew of greybeard teenagers trying their best to tear every ligament in the human anatomy. Crash and burn, baby! Expert in the digital photographic arts, this Internet Brother once hung from a 600 foot cliff without a net to retrieve a $20.00 space blanket, and lives to tell about it.

I've been accused of being too verbose. Verbosity takes time, and nobody has any time to spare. So, verbosity is out. Understand? This verbosity has to stop right now! We don't have time for your nonsense and endless rambling, so stop it, and I mean right now!!! I'd like to respond to the accusation, but unfortunately (without being allowed to verbalize), I haven't had time to teach any of my fingers more than the few words they already know, so I'll have to leave it at that.

What happens if people don't see your wife for long periods of time? If you're a married man, people always get curious and want to know where she is. They say, "Haven't seen your wife, where is she?" as if you must give a personal account of your wife's whereabouts on demand to anybody who requests it. Again, you have to lie. You can't say, for example, "Oh, she misbehaved yesterday and I had to lock her in the closet."

Immediately upon getting back into my car I grabbed the rear view mirror to take a look at my face. My reaction was one I never experienced in all my years. Shocked and distressed only begin to describe my feelings. My right eye was fully open and droopy — suffice it to say that I could have taken the role of Hunchback of Notre Dame without the need for makeup. My lips were fully extended to the right side exposing my teeth and I had no control over them or my right eye. I was far from being a site for sore eyes.

So I swing my legs out of bed while turning the alarm off... 4:00 a.m., stumble in the dark to the bathroom, and halfway there smoosh my foot in dog poop. DAMMIT! ok, my neck is still killing me from the other nite when I fell asleep in the desk chair, and now I'm gimpin' on my toes on one foot, turn on the bathroom light so I can see something, and grab some toilet paper to pick up the poop. Of course it's a bit difficult to pick up, 'cos I squashed it into the floor. And how did you start YOUR day?

Random thoughts: If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck? It's just like the folks on the Net to come up with a shorter term for a word that is only six letters long to begin with. There seems to be some unhappiness with one of my cats. She is walking around the house seemingly looking for the best acoustics from which to howl as if she had lost her last friend. I hate that.

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. It's silent and never smells. As a matter of fact I've farted at least 10 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because it's silent and doesn't smell." The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week". The next week the old lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the heck you gave me, but now my farts smell terrible, although they're still silent". "Good," the doctor said. "Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

I am Antaguar. Part myth, part faerie, part real. I am a weaver of words, teller of tales, bard of fact and fable. I wander the worlds collecting stories as I roam. Bringing memory back to life, myth back to reality, dreams back to truth, love back to understanding. Travel with me now as I take you on a journey beyond the wall of reason, into the realm of madness, onto the light of existance in all it's varied forms. Come, walk with me....

Though there are many horror stories of love trampled and crushed on the Internet, of psychos and sirens, deception and dismay, there are also happy stories that still need to be told lest one bow to fear and opt not to investigate what life has to offer. Who would have thought that somewhere, in that tangled mile of flashing cable and twinkling lights, among the softly ticking monoliths nestled in glass underground, two people might be falling in love?

Sassy smart ass, brutally honest, and extremely outspoken. I have a great sense of humor and will usually get along with just about anyone. I do have an unusually low level of tolerance for idiots, though. I'm actually quite friendly to most, and will bend over backwards for anyone who needs my help or a shoulder to cry on. But, as Ted Nugent once said, "If you don't have a sense of humor, you'll hurt yourself getting angry at me."

Amir Saleem — Looking back at all those years, I find a lot to remember and to cherish. Life has taken many twists and turns, but it has always been beautiful. Once there was a time where every morning I would ask myself, when would life start? Now, life starts every day. There are so many things waiting to be done, so many stories waiting to be written. I owe a lot to life and to God. Days are falling like leaves.

I spend a lot of time on the web. It's my day job, and I'm happy to do it. Besides building websites, I think about the web and where it's going. This is where I keep these thoughts. Occasionally I have something to say about it. My opinions are noted for a lack of tact and diplomacy. They are not for the sensitive, the politically correct, or the "kittens-butterflies-rainbow" crowd! The youngin's probably shouldn't be exposed either!

There is a time in everyone's life when they begin to cultivate themselves. Although they have been supported and nurtured for years by family and friends, at some point they must begin to take care of themselves. The orchid is an expression of my journey into a new phase of my life where I will blossom into the strong and beautiful creature that I hope to be.

I think M&M's might just be better than money, because you can eat them. I believe everyone has a creative destiny, you may just have to really-really look hard for it sometimes. I believe the game of life needs to be played under an old oak tree, with your friends hiding in all the strangest of places. But you'll have to catch me first, because tag, you're it.

I am Eliot. I get out of bed every day. I have a cat named Nattie. I drink coffee. I am right-handed. I love summer rain. I also love vanilla frozen yogurt from JP Licks. Most people prefer toppings such as jimmies or twinkles or whatever you call them. I, however, do not. I am Eliot. Follow my adventures by coming frequently to EliotWilder.com.

When asked "Who IS Kimberly???" among other things, many people I know would say I am a friend, a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a listener, a talker, a silly girl, a weirdo, a witch, an artist, a web designer, a waitress, a joker, a geek, a mystic, a dancer, a teacher, a student, a dreamer. While I may be all of those things or none of them, I am a human being, an individual, with thoughts and ideas all my own.